I’ve Been Looking So Long at These Pictures of Me

meI show you pictures of a teenage me, and instead of commenting on the height of my bangs or the short of my skirt, your lips form a perfect circle as you oooh and aaahh over a much thinner version of me.  The silence between us is a net, and into it the last twenty years of my accomplishments fall like bricks.

I have a picture of myself that I took with a real, physical camera.  I’m alone in my apartment after my divorce.  Behind me, a lamp glows against the bare white walls.  I am in a tomb.  I wear a fake tan and a tense smile.  The suggestion of the wrong man and the promise of a better one.

In our wedding picture, I lean against my new husband with a belly full of our babies. My neck is thick and my smile wraps around the world a million and a half times.



Take a Picture, It’ll Last Longer

It has been a month since I last weighed myself.  Have I lost weight?  I think so, but I don’t know for sure.  Have I gained weight? I don’t think so, but I don’t know for sure.  But there is one thing I am sure of: I am happier this month than I have been in a few years.  I feel good about myself, genuinely so.  I don’t have the guilt and shame hanging over me that is normally present in my everyday life.  And the most amazing thing of all?  I had a family picture taken!  The family pic, you know, that thing I’ve been putting off until I lost thirty pounds?  At that rate my kids would be thirty before the picture would happen.

Anyway, for you loyal followers of the blog, I offer up this sneak peek.  Notice not only did I get the picture taken, but I’m actually putting it up for the world to see!  Take that scale!